A post about feeling insecure, jealous and other unpleasant things that embarrass me but are also honest reflections of part of my inner life

Went to therapy Tuesday. Day early. Doc had a thing on our usual day, Wednesday. Topics: Temper, insecurity, self-loathing and jealousy. Insecurity and self-loathing are partners in crime, I think. I don’t feel confident in most things. Maybe stacking paragraphs. But that waivers. The hardest part of the new world of journalism is you getContinue reading “A post about feeling insecure, jealous and other unpleasant things that embarrass me but are also honest reflections of part of my inner life”

That totally cliche annual post about things I'm thankful for, most of which are pretty obvious but need to be said and a few are attempts at being insightful even if it doesn't really out that way

Am I really gonna do this? I’m a gonna write that hackey, played-out “30 days of Thanks” Thanksgiving blog post that wore out its welcome with saccerine sap a decade ago? You bet your cornucopia centerpiece stuffed with warty gourds I am. Because why not? It’s 7:27 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. I’m literally the onlyContinue reading “That totally cliche annual post about things I'm thankful for, most of which are pretty obvious but need to be said and a few are attempts at being insightful even if it doesn't really out that way”

Let’s talk movies, comic books and other things people don’t read because it’s not about my angst and suffering (and a little bit of angst and suffering at the end)

Movie: “Knives Out.” Outstanding. Little faith in director Rian Johnson after horrible “Last Jedi” movie. Yeah. I know. Fashionable to say it’s the best “Star Wars” movie. Highbrows say “Last Jedi” inverts the premise, tries new things. Shows the flaws in characters. Other film school babble. I say nobody goes to a “Star Wars” movieContinue reading “Let’s talk movies, comic books and other things people don’t read because it’s not about my angst and suffering (and a little bit of angst and suffering at the end)”

Untitled post about swollen legs, angst and ‘Rick and Morty;’ Also probably another Mr. Rogers reference just because

Sunday, swollen Sunday. Woke up. Legs looked like Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons. Water retention at maximum. WTF? Feet hurt. Short of breath. Struggled. Sigh. Got up. Put on pro football. Lord the Chicago Bears are hard to watch. Even when they win, it feels like they lost. Cowboys at Patriots. Love Tom Brady justContinue reading “Untitled post about swollen legs, angst and ‘Rick and Morty;’ Also probably another Mr. Rogers reference just because”

Go see ‘A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood’ at once

Mister Rogers movie: “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.” See it. At once. Stop. Read no further. Go. I promise you whatever burdens you carry will be easier to bear once you see this film. This is not a movie about being kind. This is a movie about the power of kindness. The effort ofContinue reading “Go see ‘A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood’ at once”

Too fat to live, too lazy to die

Grunt. Heave. Moan. Groan. Shuffle. Collapse. Breath. Sweat. Repeat. Pain radiates across back. Simple exercises stymied. Deadlift. 75 pounds. Standing ring rows. Step up and balance. Walk. Made two rounds. Tried to grind. Failed. “What hurts?” Nate asks. Back. Low. Pain radiates out from spin like signals from a TV tower. “What movement hurts worst?”Continue reading “Too fat to live, too lazy to die”

Writer’s Constipation

Edgy. Mood of the day for Wednesday. Mid-day madness of moment: Texts, emails and calls attack at once. Started to lose composure. Muted text alerts. Muted computer sound. Tried to focus. Seems like this used to be easier. More distractions? Probably. Definitely. Feel old. Words come harder. Speed fades. Used to write a story inContinue reading “Writer’s Constipation”

Lords of Sweat: The Fellowship of Gym

Gym Day 5. Brain out of gear. Did not wanna. Many paragraphs to stack. Too many sentences unslung. Mental battle. Too busy, emotions say. Bullshit, logic says. Gym’s an hour. Sweat, shower and start typing. Get on the damn bus. I go. Everything feels off. Office supply store gives out “Easy” buttons. Where are theContinue reading “Lords of Sweat: The Fellowship of Gym”

In The Still Of The Man

Stillness. Underrated personality trait. Under-appreciated state of being. I lack it. Nervous energy courses through me. Mind runs. Mind races. Mind slides out of control and crashes. Take pills for that. Dad 2.0 has stillness. Calm. Warm. Present. Listens. Observes. Thinks. Fly fishes. Mr. Rogers has stillness. Watch him watch a kid on YouTube. NoContinue reading “In The Still Of The Man”

When I’m Angry And I Don’t Know Why

Growled Friday. Loud. Like a beast. Angry beast. Picked up a box off floor. Dropped it. Picked it up again. Dropped second time. Noise came from chest. Started as a grunt, maybe a groan. Came out as something primordial and ugly. Pure rage. Scared me. Where did this creature come from? Born of pain. FueledContinue reading “When I’m Angry And I Don’t Know Why”

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